Sep
What’s Your Family Contribution?
With the beginning of new school year and a perceptible increase in the chorus of “I want” that I get to listen to each day, I have begun reconsidering the allowance system in use at our house. The current one is, “We-Tried-Last-Year-But-They-Didn’t-Understand-So-We-All-Forgot-About-It-Because-It-Was-Easier.” Maybe it’s time to get back up on that horse. Also, the thought of a free iPhone, courtesy of out friends of at Capital One and Parent Bloggers, has got me thinking overtime!
My biggest challenge with allowances is what the kids should get paid for and what they should just do because they have the rare privilege of being part of our family. I looked over the Tessy and Tab Preschool Money Manger Kit that was reviewed recently at Parent Hacks. (I submitted a hack that they used in conjunction with the review, if you were curious). In any case, one thing I liked about their system was that, in order to have an opportunity to earn money, there were three things kids had to do as their “family contribution” each day. Particularly, I liked that one was “Be kind and behave.” I think that’s a completely fair expectation.
The problem is that my husband disagrees (strongly I might add) about connecting that expectation with an allowance. He even suggested that some days of the month (gasp!) I might be a bit grumpier than others and more prone to deciding the kids didn’t cut it that day. I think the word he used was “arbitrary.” Just possibly, there could come a day that they did all their “work,” and mom decides it doesn’t matter because there wasn’t enough “Be kind and behave.” Obviously, this would never happen to me. Obviously…
So there is a (teensy) possibility that I should consider his reservations and figure out another more unified way for us to handle this. But, I’m kind of stumped. I want the kids to learn that we all contribute to family life. Particularly, I need to teach that our biggest contribution is our choice to treat each other with love and to follow the family rules. So, if we fail in that what should the consequence be? Should our family contribution NOT be connected with an allowance at all? What chores or jobs or behaviors are simply expectations and which ones can be associated with your allowance job chart?
Ponder, ponder, ponder.
First, it occurs to me that my kids are still young, so concrete, specific, and achievable expectations are most likely to be successful. In that case my husband it right: “Be nice and behave” is probably too nebulous for them to really know when they are successful. After all, all of us apparently have off days when we’re trying hard, doing our best, and still coming off as grumpy. Doesn’t that count for something?
Then, there are some other things that I just expect my kids to do without getting paid. Even though Tessy and Tab think it’s ok, I’m not ok with paying my kids to dress and brush teeth. Ewww…no choices there…we just do it. I also think that we can expect everyone to put away their laundry. I don’t tell Dylan and Anya how to put away the clothes in the drawers, so pretty much it’s all just stuffed in. But, I do expect at least that much, and I’m not going to start paying for that. Maybe I’d pay for neatness. Dunno…have to think about that.
So, I’m thinking that “Be nice and behave” is going to be a separate family expectation with a separate set of incentives and consequences. The current family contributions and earning opportunities are probably going to be along these lines:
Contributions:
- Dress, bathe, brush teeth
- Pray and read scriptures personally and with the family
- Complete homework
Daily Earning Opportunities:
- Clean bedroom (Bed made, toys put away, desk cleared, laundry put away)
- Swish and Swipe a bathroom
- Help Mom with Daily Zone Cleaning
- Clean up dinner
I’m also considering paying them for each additional 20 minutes they read beyond what is required for their homework. Not sure on that one yet. And, there may be some special weekend opportunities that go along with yard work.
So comments? suggestions? magic fairy dust to make this work? How does your family balance the idea of a family contribution against an allowance or jobs for pay chart?
14Sep
This is definitely a topic I need! I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Our current allowance system is the same tried-and-failed one. Jared and I need to sit down and figure this one out again. I think the reason we don’t succeed is because we have always tried the same thing across the board. But our kids are so different that what works for one might not work for another.
I love your website! I am amazed at how much effort, thought, and creativity you put into it. It’s awesome!
14Sep
It’s interesting that you bring up that different kids might need different systems. I had been thinking about that, too. But, in our family I just don’t see it working. Anya is nearly 2 1/2 years younger than Dylan, but she is so competitive with him. She _hates_ when he appears to be different than her, or get more than her, or have different (read: better) opportunities or rewards or jobs or anything. So although, I’d like to have Dylan doing some other chores, it has to be the same for now. I am holding Dylan to a somewhat higher standard of “clean.” But I’m trying to do it subtly and when Anya isn’t watching. Wonder how long it will last.
14Sep
hi- I just found your blog through Segullah.
This year we have started allowances (again), and it seems to be working better for us. I agree with your husband that everyone should just be kind and poolite to each other, and I would probably have days when I would tolerate behavior that I would not tolerate other days.
We give the older boys allowance for three things: practicing piano, getting homework done, and straightening their bedroom each evening before going to bed. They have to get homework and piano done every day, but if they argue with me about it, I say they will get no allowance, and then it pretty much gets done quickly. This is really more of a problem for piano, they are pretty good ab out getting their homework done. The bedroom is another thing where it is easier to get it done when they are reminded it is tied to allowance, although we don’t always get it done, so their allwance can fluctuate a little each week.
My daughter who is 4 gets allowance for practicing reading and straightening her room. My almost 2 year old doesn’t get allowance yet, and doesn’t really notice that the other kids do… plus she doesn’t have all the wants her older siblings do!
Anyway, it seems to be working for us. The kids have Saturday chores also… the boys have to each clean a bathroom, but this is just a chore they have to do before being able to play video games for a while, so it is a different incentive, and it gets the cleaning done.
We have in the past tried several different ways of working the allowance out, and this one seems to be working the best for us. Maybe because the boys are old enough to want to buy things with their allowance, but hopefully it will give someone out there another idea to try.
14Sep
Thanks for the comments on allowance! And thanks for visiting from Segullah!! I have actually written an allowance update post that will post on Thursday. What I think I like about your ideas is that it’s shorter and easier–fewer chores to keep track of. How do you manage to track the chores? Do you have charts or are you really good at just keeping track of it?
14Sep
Very nice information. Thanks for this.